sometimes i wonder why it happened to me? i am not appreciated like i should be. i am a good person to everyone in my life and still people treat me as though i am a bad person. what did i do to deserve the loneliness? i feel as though it is something i did to make it happen. today i sit in the window and i wonder. i have something good happen after all the bad and the one person i want to go to wants nothing to do with me. i hope that some day soon that will change and we can be the friends that i know we have become. you are the light in my day sometimes. i say good night to you every night and wonder if you even think about me and us and remember that what we had was real and full of love. i look at photos of you and i truly see love in your eyes. i hope that the love is not a fairy tale and that somewhere inside you there is still a bit of love for me. that love is hard to just throw away. and i know that you know what you mean to me. i just sometimes wish you could see that you are a great guy. you deserve to be with love. you are not what you see yourself as. anger is something you can control and love is something that you can believe in. so please know that love is out there. i should take my own advice sometimes and know that i am going to find that but i had it with you and it is so hard to just let it go and know that it was.

So I finally got out! I am done with her and all the drama that came with her. she is a scumbag and all she thinks about is herself and her kids are always second. she makes it seem that she loves her kids and they are her life....all lies! she sucks. just thought i would put that out there!

so Dan and I broke up. i think it was a coward way to get out of it and i think he was trying to do it the easy way. i love him. it will not change. i am just hoping that everything will calm down and he will soon want to be a friend. not talking to him everyday is very difficult. i need him in my life. not in the way a girl needs her lover but in the way that he had been a best friend to me for the last almost 7 years. i am a girl that needs the friends that come into her life. it is important for me to have the ones that i care about in my life because they are special. he is not an evil person and i do not hate HIM...i hate what he did and his cowardness. that is sad to me that he did not have the nerve to talk to me a while ago about how he was feeling. i have been feeling him pull away. he has been for a while i just love him to much to have actually call him on it.

TO ALL MEN OUT THERE...IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THE ONE YOU ARE WITH....TALK TO THEM AND END IT...DO NOT DO SOMETHING STUPID TO COP OUT OF IT. THAT IS A COWARD MOVE AND EVEN THE SMARTEST MAN BECOMES A MORON.

LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE AND REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU HAVE IS SPECIAL. I WAS NOTHING BUT GOOD TO HIM. I LOVE YOU DAN. THAT WILL NOT CHANGE. AND I HOPE THAT ONE DAY YOU WILL KNOW THAT I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU WANT A FRIEND. I DO NOT TURN MY BACK ON A FRIEND.

sometimes i wonder why i bother? the girls have a few sniffles and i have to wait till their dad gets them tomorrow to get my stuff done. that is frustrating. its a walk. its not like i am walking a marathon with them. it is just to the center and back. i take the girls with me when i have to go to the bank and the library. they enjoy it. it makes me mad when i have to wait till like 3 to get my stuff done. that is frustrating because i could get it all done and the girls can get books but now they can't. the parents of these girls have no consideration to what i have to do when i have the girls. if i have to stay home all the time with them...i would not get anything done till the weekend and i can't get to a bank on saturday. its not very fair to me. i am not being selfish. i am taking advantage of the nice weather while it is here because when we do finally get all the crap weather then i will be stuck inside all the time. and that makes for some moody kids and a pissed off Emily.

on a new note. i am going to have another good weekend i think. Dan and i get to spend Saturday together. the entire day. i am so excited about that. it has been a long time since we have had that. which means i will be with him from Friday at about 12 midnight to about 1130am on Sunday. and then it is F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L time. that is right...the Patriots are in the Superbowl and we are gonna see what they bring this time.

i have had a cold...it has actually kicked my ass this time. all i want to do is sleep! i am using a box of tissues up in two days. that is so much. i am going to have to say that when i have a cold...i prefer Puffs with lotion then any other tissue. ((see this is so going to be a random blog that is for sure)).