some say that you can just let the heart love who it wants. well that is super true. you cannot chose what your heart desires.  i gave my heart to someone in 2005 and in 2012 he stomped all over it and dug the knife further in after two months. but you know what?  i found someone that i have a good time with and that can make me laugh even when i don't feel like i can. he is a great dad and a great man. although he says it is a figment of my imagination and a perception that i want to have...i believe it to be true.  if i did not i would not be with him..sure we fight..well i am not sure if that what we do is actually fighting because i never hear him fight. i don't half the time know what the issue is and i guess he gets over it with time.  but if i am not informed as to why he is upset...i cannot fix the issue and change what i am doing..which in the end means that i could potentially do it again. and that is not what i want to do. i want him to know that i truly care about him and that it was not easy for me to let someone in and let them take care of my heart.  it is a damaged heart because i put everything i had into the previous relationship and i had to really know that i could trust and care for someone to let them in like i have with you...i am now talking to you because apparently this is the only way i can do it right now. my heart is a very precious thing that i own.  i do not need it to break again so harshly.  it cannot take that kind of pain.  i know you know what i am talking about because you have had a relationship that may have made you question if you could let someone else love it like the prior relationship.  i get that!  its tough. loving someone and hoping that they don't take that love for granted is a tough thing to do.  i am here trying to be a great thing for you...but i cannot figure it out sometimes.  i try. i am a good person but i have to know when i do something that is not liked.  or it will happen again and it will strain the love that i have for you.  i have fallen for you and i hope that you know that.  it is tough for me to say the words and i had to make sure that i was ready and that my heart was ready to make that leap again.  sometimes i wonder if i will ever have something where it is a mutual liking but sometimes i do get that feeling that i will forever be alone and that i will make the one i want to be with run away.  it is something of a fear of mine...i fear of being alone.  i do not want to be alone.  but i realize that sometimes being with someone means giving space but i also know that being with someone requires trust.  and i trust you but i need you to be honest with me.  if you wanna go out and be with your friends...just flippin tell me.  i will not be upset..i will just wish i had a friend circle to hang out with.  and i don't have that because of my trust issues.  and i keep so many with me that i know i can trust.  you have become one of those people to me.  i love you and i want it not to be something that you are uncomfortable with.  that made me sad when i asked you if you liked hearing it and you said no.  it took a lot for me to finally open my heart and it was all for you.  so think about that and know that my love is not just a word!