so because i am who i am i have had a lot on my fricking mind.  it is so frustrating.  sometimes i just need to know what is going on. i want it to be better. walking on eggshells here is not my way of living. someone can be pissed and i should be fine with it with no explanation. i worry about a lot.  i have bills and house shit and work/job applications to worry about.  i am sick of worrying.  it is wearing me out and i am sick of it.  and along with all that worrying...i have to wonder about things.  you say something...then a few days later you tell me that you are sorry and i get a kiss.  i think everything is alright...but i am still confused and i don't know what to do with that. and now i am not sure what we are.  we could be one thing but i am not sure. you are not one to talk about shit.  that is frustrating.  you need to communicate and know that i am not here to judge you or criticize you for anything you do..but a relationship is a two way road.  i am here for you...it is you and me if you want it.  don't run away with a bump in the road.  you have to be willing to hit the speed bumps to get where you want to be.  things are tough and you get upset because you think that i am not motivated to do what i need to do.  i can only do so much on my end and they have to do their part after i am done.  you are the one person that i thought would understand how hard it is right now trying to get something new.  you are trying to and i have not judged you for not getting what you want.  you tried and didn't get what you needed.  i never said you were not motivated.  i have done nothing but stand by you and know that you are trying your best with what you have.

please don't walk away from something that is fixable with the time you put into it.  i am willing to do what i can to fix it but i have to have help. 

my heart is yours if and when you want it.  i will let you in..i have let you in despite how fragile my heart is.  and i know you know what that is like.  you have told me.